Faye B. Roberts
A divorce is a method of terminating a marriage between a couple. There are very few things more painful than being told that your marriage is over, especially if it wasn't your idea.
Often the first reaction is to act in extreme ways, either by wanting to give in to all demands in hopes of changing your spouse’s mind, or by being too demanding to "make them pay". Extreme behavior can be very costly. Should you decide to fight where a fight is not legally warranted, you will line your lawyer’s pockets with money needed to represent you and likely will not gain enough profit from the fight.
On the other hand, if you give up everything because you are ready to leave the marriage immediately or because you think your spouse will come back to you, you risk coming out of the marriage with very few assets and the possibility of a lot of debt. Therefore the very first step you must take is to find a lawyer and discover what your rights are.
People terminating a marriage are faced with the task of dividing up the assets. You will be tempted to place high values on things that have a sentimental worth and on things that cost you or your spouse a lot when you bought them. But, the truth is, unless you have a valuable antique or a Van Gogh painting, your stuff will not have the value you think it should. That lovely vase may mean the world to you or to your spouse, but to a judge it is stuff that has a garage sale value.
When deciding what to fight for, remember that you may have a winning position in your trial, but your position may have serious financial side effects. The leather sofa you want at all costs may end up costing you thousands in attorney’s fees and court costs and could have been replaced for a few hundred dollars. Honestly, do you want to win stuff in a trial at a price that far exceeds the sale value?
If there are children of the marriage terminating it makes it harder and makes the divorce proceedings linger on. And you must keep in mind that you can divorce your spouse, but that person remains your child’s parent. Sometimes it is tempting to sever all ties, but you can't stop a child from loving or wanting a parent, and their needs must be taken into consideration. Whatever the lingering emotions involved after terminating a marriage, if you have children, your ex-spouse will always be a member of your family.
Recovering from a divorce is much like the grieving process one experiences when a loved one dies. It is a difficult process that can be very time consuming. Studies show that it may take as long as two years to fully recover. Terminating a marriage may be very difficult over a relatively short period, but living in a marriage that is not fulfilling can stifle you for the rest of your life.
Faye B. Roberts is an independent researcher who has gone through a
divorce and has suffered the effects it has on the entire family. Find
out how to start enjoying your life again. Divorce and the Family
offers a simple solutions to a complex problem. For more info on
Divorce and your Family
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